


Turn

by anotherFMAfan



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 20:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1360912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherFMAfan/pseuds/anotherFMAfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It began as admiration.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turn

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted May 2009 at my LJ.

It began as admiration.  
  
For years it remained that way, buried deep in his heart, where he thought no one could see it. Springs were green, winters white, and they fought. Time passed. Then, it changed. He no longer wanted only to admire; he wanted more. To see him more than once every few weeks. To spend more time with him than the length of a report. To be the sole focus of his attention. To talk to him about things that had nothing to do with his pocket watch. His body kept growing, and whispers of want brushed down his skin and made him shiver. Those little wants fused under the heat of his pounding blood and became one longing, filling him and binding his chest tight. He was confused and upset, and he spent long hours after they met wondering why nothing was changing, why he could feel and want _so much_ sitting there alone and when he was face-to-face with him he was twelve years old all over again.

“I know what you want,” the colonel said one day, his eyes open, not distant, not cold, not amused. Open. Edward was frozen with surprise. “I know what you want,” he said in a neutral tone, but it was so different from his normal it seemed gentle.

“I don’t,” he replied honestly, and felt thrilled and terrified all at once not to be speaking through his bravado, to have no shields up. He was defenseless and it made his heart pound with excitement.

“I can’t give it to you, Edward.” Cold disappointment pricked at his skin, wrenched tight the binding on his chest, but he didn’t turn away, didn’t drop his eyes.

“I want….” Edward swallowed tightly. “I want.”

“I know,” the colonel said, and softly.

There was silence, and he watched his dark eyes.

“You can’t.... If you could…?”

At that the colonel retreated slightly behind his eyes, but he didn’t waver.

“I don’t know.”

Edward stepped closer, until his legs were against the desk. The colonel watched him, but his black eyes were still open, and Edward lifted his hand. He extended it, tremblingly, palm-upward, fingers curved just slightly. Mustang’s mouth tightened, and his own hand twitched on the desk, but did not move.

“I can’t, Edward.”

Again came the cold sadness, but he did not retract his hand, instead moved it slowly further across the desk.

“You,” he said softly, and brushed his quaking fingers down the colonel’s cheek. The colonel watched him a moment more, and then shifted his gaze downward, as though in shame.

The sharp pain of rejection was hot, and clashed badly with the cold. Edward retracted his hand and stepped back from the desk, stepping back into his shields and his pride, and he felt the rush of anger bury his loneliness away from sight.

With a derisive laugh, he crossed his arms over his chest, tilted his head cockily.

“As though I care,” he affected. “I have better things to do.”

 _I don’t want_.

“Al and I’re leaving tomorrow. The two of us. Same as always.”

_I never wanted._

The colonel smirked, but a sad smile showed beneath.

“Dismissed, Fullmetal,” Mustang said as Edward backed toward the door.

“Bastard,” he bit back, opened the door, and turned away from his heart forever.  
  
*          *          *          *          *          * __  
  



End file.
